the very next day.

accupuncture 8:45.
i had an epiphany on the table while laying on my back.

10:15 dr bartolme.
new information.
so i have all along been giving myself injections of homeopathic mistletoe.
apparently these can cause inflammation in nodes.
so maybe those nodes are not cancerous. the report did say 'highly suspicious.'
dr. b. is going to speak with the radiologist to get the exact measures from the PET.
that will help him to know which side we are leaning on.
and we discussed the CAT I'm scheduled for this evening re the stone.
we concluded i could simply request the not very invasive surgery to remove it.
skip the CAT.
if it had been there since august as i suspect it has
it may be too big to pass.
and even if its not, lets just get it out cause i have lots on my plate here and
removing it would make it more apparent hopefully
where the pain I've been having is coming from.
i wrote to dr. hollingsworth and cancelled the kitty.

3:30 dr. lu.
total downer.
so did i mention before I'm one of those 5% wherein the cancer hides and
often cannot be detected?
not the kind of lotto i really want to win but okay god.
so dr. lu who is incredibly skilled
can not give me a clear diagnosis.
he does think the original tumor is still there
and that it may have seeded.
he said he was nervous.
and he looked nervous.
and i no likey.

7:30 jennas dear friends who are cancer biology researchers at the university
responded to my call by inviting me over and plying me with handmade indian food.
they are officially now angels of my way.
they agreed to help me find a patient advocate at the university,
and help me get an unofficial second opinion.
they have also agreed to try to get me into their current lab study
where they take tissue samples and analyze them to literal bits
to see if new information can be gleaned about the specific cancer.
and
they connected me with a site that has studies on a specific new drug
in the industry that has ben successful with many ovarian BRAC1 platen-sensitive cancers.
like mine.
its at carmanos, I'm going to check it out.

sometimes i feel like i might just have a couple years to live,
and I'm trying to be okay with that.
sometimes i think there will be a miracle.
sometimes i think the hard work i am doing on my patterns will pay off.
all i know is that i love my girl.
thats where all my eggs are.

please keep praying positive and if you can leave your comments on the blog proper.
then when i need a cheering squad everything will be in one place for me.
you all have been amazing sending your love.
its warming me up.
bless you.
c.