update on GOFUNDME love.

in everyday i experience weeks. I'm fumbling to express all i am learning, which i want so much to share with you. 

i have told a few friends this. . .' one of the most wonderful things about having cancer is that i get to be with all my friends.' and i mean that with a full heart of joy. i have the most wonderful friends in the world (for me). 

and i think most important for this venue i want to tell you all what this lovemoney you are gifting me is doing/feeling.

- i feel deeply connected to all of you. 

- my ability to have an open heart is gaining frequency and magnitude. not only is this of course beautiful to my learning, it will actually physically increase my ability to heal and survive this. 

- the knowledge of how beautiful my friends are acting as mirrors, i am beautiful too. 

- my stress about money that i need in this time has evaporated. more stress gone better healing again. 

so i am also quite a minimalist. 

I've spent the past few months before being diagnosed purging my home of roughly one third of our belongings. keeping only what sparks joy, (thank you marie condo). 

so far this lovemoney is buying very high quality salmon which is nourishing body and soul. it feels perfect for me to be able to share this with jenna who is selflessly feeding me so much love. its important to nourish the caretaker! 

i have thoughts as well of what this lovemoney can do to bring joy to my life RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT. 

i'm thinking about getting some bodywork. this may seem obvious but the plentitude of what i am needing to organize even outside what emily's organized is so big i have not really slowed down yet. slowly. I'm doing better. I'm gaining ground. 

I'm thinking about supplementing rent for the year if need be. 

I'm thinking about hiring a doula of sorts to check in with me daily and help me source needs/desires. this is something i would never think to treat myself to without the support of my community. and more of that- 

I'm thinking that when i shift to my next living quarters i may hire a interior decorator (probably a friend) to help me create the cozy space best suited to my heart and body and healing. those of you that know me well know that i am very sensitive to my environment! 

I'm thinking about some dishes for my new place. 

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and the coupon my parents gave me 3 years ago for my birthday, the coupon for a hot air balloon ride? 

accessing that now. time is of the essence. it will be a leaf changing celebration of life and you will all be invited. 

back to bed for me. 

i love you. 

caryn