what i imagine at this time needing help with.

okay.
so keep taking deep breaths.
my surgery was scheduled for may 3rd
and got moved up to this wednesday per my request.
because my arm is getting heavier and im starting to feel like im draging it around.
i could not put on my tank top after a bath with hazel just now.
i stamped my feet like an incessant child.
so tomorrow and then its a go.
i was thinking i had time to prepare myself emotionally.
if thats even possible.
the surgery im told is all day long. scheduled for 7:30am.
i will be in the hospital for a few days minimum.
i not a poet at all right now.

im scared of course yeah!
note this is not a brain tumor it is a brain metastasis.
its ovarian cancer in my brain.
which is apparently better than brain cancer cells.

so help.
emily griswold will still be my point person even though farm season is in full swing.
that is how much of a badass she is.
and she backups by the names of alison, kim, and emily. she will reach out when she needs.
when i know who this person is i will let you know email and phone and you will be able to contact directly and said person will coordinate.

meals
everything organic.
no sugar or any kind of sweetener.
no fruit.
no beans. red lentils great.
no soy.
no vinegar.
no white potatoes. sweets in moderation.
no cow dairy. goat okay in small amounts. almond cheese the best.
very few grains: quinoa. chinese forbidden black rice. oats. wild rice.

butter is great.
organic shiitakes sauted in butter or in soup i cant get enough of.
        ask someone to fetch my dehydrated supply in cabinets above my kitchen stove!!
hormone free local meat products are great in moderation.
salmon is the best. 2-3 times a week great. canned salmon occasionally.
coconut milk (unsweetened) is great.
think chicken coconut curry with lots of veggies.

did i forget anything?

uh.

this is insane.

i definitely need touch massage cuddles.
help keeping my place tidy. its untidiness is my biggerst trigger right now.
company so i can be with hazel and not feel stressed.

i think food is probably most important right now.
ill get back with a point person.

i love you all.
caryn.