just like a miscarriage.

yeah so there really is no reason for me to be suffering alone over here.
that's what this is for.
my processing too.
you know how people get pregnant and they wait to tell their beloveds
until they feel the baby is going to keep?
you know what that does?
it means if they do miscarry they are absolutely alone in it.
nobody ever knew.

a week or so ago in Zumba I went to lift up my arms above my head
and noticed that my left one was lagging behind some.
in the days after when I reached out to grab something
my hand would move slower than my brain.
I saw my pcp on Tuesday and he tested my muscle strength
and my whole left side is weaker.
okay. and maybe just maybe my memory issues
are getting a little worse.
it's hard to say because it's really painful and I fixate on it a lot.
words seem a little harder to grasp for.

so tonight because u of m runs their MRI machines
24 hours a day I will be getting a head MRI at 1am.

I'm absolutely completely terrified I have a brain tumor.
I went right to the worst case scenario.
Maybe it's totally stupid I'm writing.
I don't want anyone to worry if it's a freak situation
and not a tumor.
I suppose I want to ask please pray for me.
Please pray for hazel.
Please pray for miracles.
Please pray for my family.
Please pray I'm clean.

c.