remission.

today dr liu brought the news that last weeks CT scan came up clear.

remind me how to breathe?
this whole illness has ben a dream i cant relate to.
i still feel like i have not processed most of what it has brought.
this too, i told a friend that i feel like i am not connected to the earth.
im literally floating 2 inches above it.
i miss my feet on the ground.

matt and bari and i went out for breakfast at fancy zola's after my visit.
there was a texting frenzy and some turkish eggs.

i have been so very deeply touched by the prayers and kindness and love you have all shown me.
i started to cry last night when i read that an old friend was praying for me with her girlfriend
and a circle of friends in st louis. because i know she really was. that is her way. i know she was not just taking a minute, she was taking many and if i stood really still i could feel what was sent.
so many of you have told me that you have been praying for me and i believe every single one of you.
its hard to take that in sometimes. i feel more blessed by the love of my family and community than i can ever put words to. i cant touch it.

after the news today i felt like i wanted to have a private party with each one of you.
sipping tea, gentle music, cuddles and light in our eyes.

i told hazel in the simple words we have shared about this
and she scrunched up her nose and grinned.
bringing her little paws up beside her cheeks like a squirrel,
she does this when she gets excited.
this child is zest.

i am getting my port taken out in 7 days.
i see not reason to cling to 'just in case.'

gratitude gratitude.
caryn.